


Rutilant

by Voib



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Agender Character, Agender Dean, Alternate Universe - High School, Aromantic Dean, Bisexual Dean, Bobby is a democrat (?), Charlie is gay and will always be gay, Coming Out, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, High School, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Sam is supportive, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-11 10:05:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13521966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voib/pseuds/Voib
Summary: “Dean! Are you coming to the GSA meet today?” Charlie asked with way too much enthusiasm for 8 in the morning.“Is that some kind of sports club or…” Dean asked tentatively.“No you idiot, its the genders and sexualities alliance. And youhaveto come; I've been planning the meet all week. It's the first of the year, too,” Charlie gave him a kicked puppy look.“Fine. What time is it at and where?” Dean grumbled.“It's in the choir room that no one goes into and at lunch. There will becookies,” She said in a singsong voice.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Trigger Warning:** This fic has homophobic language, slurs, alcohol use, abuse references and some cussing. You have been warned :)

Dean had never expected to be anything other than normal. From his hair to his boots, he was edgy, sure, but he had always been on the fringe of average. But still _normal_. 

That's why he was kind of surprised when he began some self exploration. He always felt kind of plain, vague; like an illusionist. He never really felt too much when it came to writing about stupid _what’s your best quality_ essays that his freaky school always made him do. He just existed in a very normal way. 

It didn't come as a surprise when he was dragged to his first pride festival by Charlie when he was 16. Charlie was lucky enough to have her shit figured out: she was a gay chick and she was solid on it, too. Dean was assaulted with bright colors and people showing way too much skin in the middle of June. In the aftermath, probably like 9 out of 10 of the people got awful sunburns. 

Either way, Dean did the little march, checked out all of the booths, and then went home covered in glitter and sweat. _Well, with free shit too._

It was fun, exhilarating and quite tiring. He was dropped off by Charlie in her little slug bug and walked the rest of the way up his driveway and into Bobby’s house. John had been working for the weekend and so Sam and Dean were stuck with Bobby until John got back from Vegas. 

Sam was watching cartoons and trying to study and Bobby had sat back in his recliner. 

“I swear ta god, Dean, if you get glitter on any of my furniture… that stuff is like fairy herpes,” Bobby grumbled before taking a swig from his beer. 

Dean was surprised that he didn’t question it. Dean knew that Bobby was a proclaimed republican but he was more liberal than most. He was probably an honest to god democrat but he just didn't want to admit it. But that didn't mean much; Dean had met republican people who weren't straight. And homophobic gay people did exist, so why wouldn't a homophobic democrat? 

But Dean didn't want to give Bobby the wrong idea. 

Dean didn't say anything and just trudged up the stairs and into his room. He plugged in his phone, which must have had its battery drained from the sun, and gathered up some clothes. He took a slow shower. The water felt nice but it didn't do much for his mind. 

He dried off and all but collapsed into his bed. The blankets were warm and inviting but he wasn't tired enough yet. He pulled out his phone, now charged, and texted Charlie good night. 

He went to sleep eventually, but not after constantly reloading any site he could get his hands on that would entertain him. 

~~~~~~~

Eventually he woke up and had all but been dragged to school by Sam. He said bye to Sam at the front gates and went to meet Charlie in the cafeteria. 

“Hey Charles,” Dean greeted while rubbing his eyes. He was much too tired to deal with today's shit. 

“Dean! Are you coming to the GSA meet today?” Charlie asked with way too much enthusiasm for 8 in the morning. 

“Is that some kind of sports club or…” Dean asked tentatively. 

“No you idiot, its the genders and sexualities alliance. And you _have_ to come; I've been planning the meet all week. It's the first of the year, too,” Charlie gave him a kicked puppy look. 

“Fine. What time is it at and where?” Dean grumbled. 

“It's in the choir room that no one goes into and at lunch. There will be _cookies_ ,” She said in a singsong voice. 

“Ugh. I can't believe you talked me into this. I could have gotten White Castle for lunch, I have the Impala for the day,” Dean groaned. 

“Yeah, well, suck it up,” Charlie teased. 

Dean could only glare. 

~~~~~~~

It was kind of weird walking into a room and having almost everyone's eyes fall on you. He stopped at the doorway for a second, confused, before he eventually entered the room and sat down next to Guilda. 

There was quite a few people in the room who he didn't know and few that he did. 

Dean reached for a cookie on the table next to him and quietly crunched on it. Eventually, the attention fell away from him. 

Most of the people in the room were chicks with a few people who were somewhere in the middle. Just from a quick look over, Dean was the only guy. 

_Finally_ , Charlie called everyone's attention towards the front of the room and started a little spiel about how this is a supportive club and how things were going to be organized, _yadda yadda_. 

Dean tuned it out. He could just ask Charlie later. 

A few more people snuck in at the back of the room but one person caught Dean’s eye. They looked completely androgynous and Dean suddenly felt very dumb. If he didnt even know everything about the community, why was he even here?

But he couldn't exactly let Charlie down. Besides, what else would he do on every Thursday while both Charlie and Gilda were gone? 

And so Dean made a stupid vow to learn what he could about the LGBT etc. ect. Community when he got home that day. 

Just then, his phone displayed a message from John:

_Im back from wrk. You can come home now._

_Ugh_ was Dean's last thought. 

~~~~~~~~

Sam and Dean stopped at Bobby’s house to pack their stuff up and to give a quick thanks to Bobby before driving to their house and trying not to wake the sleeping, drunken bear on the couch. 

He got on his barely functional laptop and typed in the words ‘LGBT terms’ and pressed enter and proceeded to wait for the stupid WiFi to catch up. 

He read a couple of the shallower articles before he decided to go on Tumblr and look some shit up. 

He read too much and got a slight headache, but Dean was stubborn and refused to stop. 

He read up until about 2:31 in the morning when he fell asleep to the light of his laptop. 

~~~~~~~~

The next day, Friday, and Dean still had terms swimming around in his head. 

Words like ones he knew, _pansexual_ and _polysexual_ , and ones he really didn't; what did _genderqueer_ even mean?

So he (nervously) got ready to ask Charlie about it. She was the one person who would definitely know. 

He sat down at the usually lunch table and waited for Charlie. 

She arrived and immediately jumped into a spiel about how happy she was about the success of her club. Dean listened patiently. 

“Hey Charlie, I don't want to sound ignorant or something, but can you explain gender to me? I've been tryin’ to educate myself but I don't know where to start,” Dean explained.

“Sure Dean-o. What do you want to know?” She inquired.

“So I know that gender isn’t determined by what's in your pants or whatever, but there's so many terms that I don't know how to understand.” God, now Dean sounded desperate. 

“I'll start at the beginning…” 

~~~~~~~

And so Dean was once again left dazed and confused. He drove Sam home and dropped the Impala off before he decided to take a walk to the park on the corner of 5th and Avenue. 

It didn't take long before _The Thought_ struck him. 

_What if some of those terms apply to_ me _?_

It was kind of ground breaking. The strange feeling that Dean didn't know everything about himself was confusing, taboo even. But it wasn't that strange of a thought. He knew enough people who deviated from the binary (a word he had learned today) that the chances that he wasn't so straight himself wasn't so far fetched. 

Maybe he wasn't so normal after all. 

~~~~~~~

And so he researched the shit out of every term he knew, and then researched some more. 

He read about people's experiences with gender and read some terms that definitely didn't fit him. 

But he narrowed it down eventually. 

Dean felt like he was poking the words with a stick. 

_Neutrois_ and _agender._

And god, those were some scary words. 

It made sense why he always felt weird. He fit in, sure, but he was always just a little different. When Mary was still alive, just over 12 years now, he loved receiving toys that were more than just monster trucks that John always got. When he played House on the playground, he liked being Mommy just as much as Daddy. 

Of course, this didn't mean much. A lot of kids liked playing with stuff that wasn't normal. 

But it meant a little more to Dean. 

Dean, who was solid on his sexuality (he was an aromantic bisexual, thank you very much) had added another piece to the puzzle that was his life. 

But it was also a problem too. John, the hardened Marine, was a piece of shit with a DUI record that wrapped around the earth. Twice, might he mention. He was also a homophobic piece of shit who had screamed about faggots moving into Lawrence and ruining the city. Yeah, like it had gotten any better when John moved in. 

So Dean decided that to help preserve the mediocre life that he had now, he was going to hide it. 

He hid it well too. 

~~~~~~~~~

His stealth mode had lasted up until one night in October of his senior year. 

John was waiting on the couch when Dean got home from a long night of partying. Even when Dean stumbled into the living room, Dean could smell the acrid scent of alcohol. 

John stood up and Dean immediately saw the small bi flag he had gotten at pride this year clenched in John’s rough fist. 

“What are you, some kind of faggot? I don’t tolerate faggots in this house, Dean. _Do you understand me?!”_ John shouted his last sentence. 

If Dean wasn’t tipsy, he would have said something else to cover up his secrets, but Dean didn't have the clearest mind right now. 

“I’m the biggest fucking faggot in this _entire_ city. I just got back from a giant fuckin’ orgy filled with gay dudes who fucked me into tomorrow. Now if you’ll ‘scuse me, I have to go pack my bags and wipe the cum off my chest,” Dean rushed by John and quietly slipped past Sam who had been holding his ear against his bedroom door trying to listen in on the conversation. 

“Dean, are you really leaving?” Sam’s eyes were watery and unfocused. 

“Yeah, Sam. I’ll go stay with Charlie for a while. You wanna come?” Dean offered. 

“I… Yeah I’ll come.”

They both packed their bags silently and slipped out the back door into the night. 

Dean had called Charlie on the way and she agreed to pick them up at the Gas’n’Sip corner store. 

Dean opened the door and heard the bell jingle. He started to walk down the isles with Sam following him. 

“Pick whatever you want Sammy, I’ll buy it.”

Dean grabbed a box of Twinkies and some Dr. Pepper before he all but slammed it down on the clerks counter. 

Dean immediately started ruffling through his wallet when Sam pushed him aside and put some sour candy on the counter. 

Dean grabbed a $20 and set it on the counter. 

“Here’s my faggot money,” Dean put some coins on the counter, “and here's my faggot change,” and then he pulled out his rewards card, “and finally, my faggot rewards card.” 

Dean looked at the clerk's name. _Castiel._

“And since I just bought this stuff, my faggot food. I should have gotten some fairy floss --,” Dean turned to Sam, “Go get me some cotton candy.” 

Dean smiled wide at the dude. He looked too dorky to survive in society, and Dean had never seen him at school. He was probably homeschooled. 

“Hmm. It seems like you’ve had an interesting night,” Castiel offered with a smirk while scanning the items. 

“Oh yeah. My dad called me a faggot and kicked me out. My little brother decided to come with me and now we’re on our way to a raging lesbian’s house where I might just get hammered all over again,” Dean didn't know why he was partially ranting about his day to some random dude, but hey, he was hot. 

“Sounds fun. Well, would you like your stuff bagged? And here's your change,” Castiel held the change out. 

“Keep the change and yeah, bagged is better for everyone. Besides, I can use the bag in a bucket after I get too puke-y from the vodka,” Dean smirked again. 

“I get off in 20 minutes but I won't be doing anything like that. I’ll probably watch some cartoons and then head to bed,” Castiel started to bag the snacks.

Charlie walked into the store and hollered at Sam and Dean to hurry up. 

“I’m Dean by the way. Maybe I’ll see you around some time?”

“Sure. I hope that the snacks that the Gas’n’Sip queer sold you are delicious,” Castiel said devilishly. 

Dean smirked, gave a little wave and left the store. 

_Maybe the world isn't so bad?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean needs a distraction. Dean finds a distraction. Charlie is still a raging lesbian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I've said, my depression is really bad and my family life is something out of a nightmare. This chapter was just words on paper; forgive how shitty it is.

Even when Charlie had distracted him the best she could, Dean was left thinking about his father. It wasn't an unexpected happenstance, it was just surprising, was all. 

They all mode some bomb ass brownies and chugged apple cider along with it. It was frankly disgusting, but they did it anyway. 

The marathoning of The Hobbit came to a quiet end when Sam yawned and promptly fell asleep with a handful of popcorn still in his hand. Dean picked him up and dropped him on the couch before taking up Charlie’s guest room. He drew back the sheets, laid down and pulled the sheets up to his chin. Then he began to think about his day. It was debatably the worst or best day of his life. 

_________

He woke up slowly. The blankets were just so soft and everything just felt perfect. The bed was nothing like his at home, even for a guest bed, it didn't leave Dean with an achy back all day or leave spring imprints in his skin. The clock next to the bed said that it was 10:21. God, he hadn't slept that long since he was baby or something. 

He could faintly hear the sounds of Queen’s _Don’t Stop Me Now_ wafting from the kitchen along with the smell of bacon. Today was a good day. 

He entered the kitchen in the pink sweatpants he had borrowed from Charlie; all he had packed was Jeans and he wasn't about to sleep naked. 

Charlie nodded her approval and the pants while Sam cringed and gave Dean a plate of bacon, eggs and toast. 

“Who made what? I don't want to get food poisoning from Sam,” Dean smirked. 

“Oh shut up. Charlie said that my bacon was bomb, right Charlie?”

“Meh. I've had better,” Charlie sassed. 

Sam just glared and went back to smothering his toast in butter and jelly. Dean bit into his bacon before announcing that he’d also had better. 

The shirt he was wearing was covered in old grease stains and it was kind of gross. 

“Hey Charlie, do you have a shirt that matches the sweatpants? I kinda have a theme going on.” He wouldn't admit that the pants felt better than any jeans that he’d ever worn. They were soft and… pink. 

“Yeah, it says juicy right on the front -- let me go get it.” 

She rushed out of the room and Dean could hear her shuffling through drawers. 

Eventually Dean finished his breakfast and went and changed his shirt. It felt nice. The cut felt nice clinging to his skin. Dean brushed his hands down the felt pants. They were so soft and comforting, like a warm hug. The most surprising part was that Dean didn't care that they were meant for a woman. When did clothes have gender anyway? Wasn't that what Charlie had said in GSA? 

They all decided to go out that day, so Dean decided to take a shower in the small upstairs while Sam took one downstairs. Dean scratched his face and cringed at all of the hair growing there. 

“Hey Charlie, I need to shave, would you happen to have an extra razor?” 

“Uh, I have one under the sink in the bathroom; don’t worry, it's new,” Charlie quipped. She then wandered off somewhere in the house. 

Dean ducked down to the cabinet under the sink and navigated through boxes of tampons and soaps until he found the pack of razors. Who knew Charlie was so femme? Everything seemed to be pink. 

The hardest part of the day so far had been trying to figure out how to turn on the shower. Eventually he turned the pain in the ass thing on and got under the spray. It didn't get cold in 5 minutes, at least. 

He didn't really wash himself, he just stared at the shapes in the marble covering the walls. He thought he saw some kind of mutated rabbit, but he didn't really know. He eventually washed his hair and body before he stared at the razor. He really ought to get out and shave but he didn't want to. 

Dean looked down at his body. In all honesty, it was kind of gross. There was hair everywhere and he was kinda pale. At least women looked aesthetically pleasing. They could shave and look not like an alien. Dean had ugly, knees and small hips which did nothing for proportion. He was kind of chubby in the middle which looked gross. He weight didn't bother him as much, but society though it was gross. Society thought hair was gross too -- but only on women. Why was that? Any guy who shaved things other than a beard were labeled gay and ostracized. That's what his stupid father always thought. Men were hairy and worked with their hands, women were quiet and better with kids. But that couldn't be further from the truth. 

Dean didn't want to think about it much so he didn't. He decided to shave his armpits. There was a lot of awkward back-and-forth motions that pulled hairs but eventually Dean was freshly shaved. It felt good; freeing even. He tapped the razor on the side of the tub and watched the hairs float down the drain. It was really gross but whatever. He grabbed a bar of soap and lathered his legs the best he could before continuing the process. Just watching the hairs come off his leg and he felt rebellious. His father was going to hate him. He rinsed his body again and felt his legs. They were as smooth as some kind of seal or a freshly waxed car. He got mpre soap and continued up his leg. By now, the razor was getting dull, but it had already made it up to his knees, so the worst part was over. 

He got out of the shower and tried to dab the knicks and cuts he had gotten away. He threw the razor away and got a new one. He could always pay Charlie back. He shaved his face, threw on a pair of jeans and socks and a tee and left the bathroom. He went to his ‘room’ and added some deodorant and a jacket. 

He walked down stairs but stopped part way. His legs felt so cool and weird. Like they were wrapped in a frozen blanket. Dean assumed that he would get used to it. He swung his arms a little bit. His armpits felt relatively normal but it was still so new and exciting. 

Sam was watching cartoons in the living room. 

“Deannnnn. You didn't have to take so long in the shower; you were wasting water,” Sam quipped. 

“Shut it, smelly,” Dean smirked back. 

Charlie walked into the room with her purse. 

“Are you idiots ready to go or what? Jesus, you guys take longer than a soccer mom asking for a manager,” Charlie sighed. 

“I need shoes still. And Sam needs a better taste in cartoons.” 

“Ughhh. Hurry the hell up. I will strand both of you in this house if I have to,” Charlie frowned. 

“Chill Charles. My shoe are right by the door,” Dean smirked. 

They all packed into Charlie’s slug bug and zoomed off towards the mall. They fought hard for a parking spot and eventually made it through the doors of JC Penny. 

“Meet here in 2 hours and Dean -- if you start flirting with a Starbucks barista, I swear to god…” Charlie glared at him, “I don't want to be kicked out of here again.” 

“Fine, fine. The guy was asking for it though. He kept looking at me like I was about to rob the place. He made me uncomfortable, so I just did it back: it's simple.”

“Sure Jan. Meet you all in 2 hours.” 

~~~~~~~~~

Cas liked men. Not in a predatory way or anything; he was still just a highschooler. He knew that the fact was part of him but he didn’t think about it much, didn't let it define him. His family thought that it was the only thing that did define him. Cas knew better. He liked art and was good at learning (math especially) and that he wanted to be some kind of social worker when he ‘grew up’. He wasn't good with emotions but he knew how to logically deal with issues. He wanted to go to the community college next to the old library and he wanted to learn something before he transferred to something larger. He had plans. He could let those plans define him, but just not his sexuality. 

Gabriel was the one who forced him to get a job at the Gas’n’Sip just to get out of the house. His parents didnt let him do much so Gabe had seen the job as a kind of freedom. He was hired by a flustered, red faced old man who told him to start working on the first day. It was mundane but he liked it. 

~~~~~~~~~

Dean bought a nice pair of wool socks and some cheap shirts with the little money he had. Sam had the other half and Dean hoped that he spent it well. 

They met back up with the little bags they had and took off from the overcrowded mall towards the cheapest food they could find. The Rooster Restaurant was at an intersection where it was weird to turn and dangerous too. The place didn't get many customers because of it but it served the best food and had been running since Dean had been born. The place barely kept afloat. 

They sat down at the booth and a brunette with a little eyeliner heart on her cheek walked up. 

“What can I get you guys?”

“We can all start with water and 1 coffee please. Black,” Charlie smiled. 

“Sure thing, sweetheart,” the waitress added sweetly, “let me know if you need _anything_ else.” She then gave a little wink to Charlie and walked away. 

“Theres 2 possibilities here: every single person in this town knows you're gay as fuck or; her gaydar was incredibly strong,” Dean smirked, “Looks like someone is getting some tonight.” 

Charlie slapped Dean. “Boy, I swear to god. If you mess this up for me…” Charlie glared at him. Sam just laughed (with several voice cracks in the middle). 

“Ugh, I hate you alloromantics,” Dean said before he took a swig of water. 

They all studied the menu, and ordered the things that they always got. The waitress basically swooned over Charlie while Dean smirked and Sam snickered. 

Their breakfasts of eggs and hashbrowns was as delicious as always and they all drove to the nearest park. Charlie had the waitresses number in her pocket, of course. 

They laid down a ragged dog blanket and laid in the sun like some photosynthesizing weirdos. 

“Charlie, why is the world so weird?” Sam asked quietly. 

“Depends on what you define as weird, I guess.”

“Like, why are people willing to kill other people just to promote a religion or something. And they always kill innocent people too. It’s just not _fair_.” 

“Sammy, some people just have agendas. I could never explain why someone would want to kill someone for being themself, but it's something that happens everyday,” Dean added on. 

“Our dad is one of those people, huh?” 

Dean stared at the swaying of the cottonwood trees. 

“Yeah, I think so.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Cas had decided to go for a walk. He had the family dog, the only one other than Gabe who actually understood him, attached to a leash and he was making his way downtown. 

The park was just around the corner from his house, but far enough that no one would be able to see him from the house. Cas hated the prying eyes the most. 

He was taking the paths that lead to the pond when he heard a familiar voice. 

The 3 people who had come into the Gas’n’Sip yesterday (were they siblings?) were sitting down on a mustard yellow blanket in a small circle all playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. 

The family dog, Duke, started barking at them and had notified them of Cas’ creeping. 

“Oh, h-hi.” Castiel said between an awkward wave. 

“Hey Cas! Come join us!” Dean yelled through the warm breeze. At least summer was arriving. 

He walked over awkwardly and then stood there while Duke sniffed at them and then decided to lay down in the center of the blanket. 

“He actually like you guys… that's strange. He usually just keeps barking at strangers until he goes hoarse,” Castiel shrugged. 

“You wanna join in on the festivities? We’re playing that one game that everyone played when they were 5. The _down by the banks_ one.” Sam smiled while petting Duke. 

“I don't know that one. I was homeschooled for all of my life so, I don't know much,” Cas admitted. 

“Don't worry about it, we’ll teach you,” Dean encouraged. 

~~~~~~~~~

Slowly the cluster had become a sharing circle. They all got to know Cas and Cas learned many useless facts about the trio. 

“So, Cas, what’s your sexuality? Since we’re trying to be _straight_ with you,” Dean snickered. 

“Oh, I’m not very sure, but I think I’m just gay.” Cas answered tentatively. 

“You’ll fit in fine. I’m aro and bi, Charlie is the gayest person I know and Sam is turning into a raging queer.”

They all stared at each other like llamas about to spit before then all busted out laughing. 

“What’s your favorite band?” 

~~~~~~~~~~

3 hours later and too many childish games, the sun had began to go down and the air got much more frigid. Sam wound up with grass in his hair which Charlie had braided on. Cas and Dean had sat too close to each other and Cas had blushed just one too many times. 

They had ridded the blanket of all of the grass and had dramatically folded it up. Sam had given Cas a little wave while he walked away while Dean gave him a wink and continued to watch him go. 

Cas had walked home with Dean’s number burning a hole in his pocket. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments fuel my writing powers :)

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments make me write more :)


End file.
